Sunday, 29 May 2011

Fixing Things

I haven’t done a stream of consciousness in a while.

In fact, I haven’t blogged at all in a while.

I’ve been trying to fix things. I went to my doctor and she’s put me on a new pill that will help my skin and is also ‘mood neutral’, and on Thursday I’m meeting with a mental health nurse and she’s making me a plan where I see a shrink 6 times and it doesn’t cost me a billion dollars.

I’m nervous though. I don’t feel that messed up. Sure, I had a couple of bad weeks. But that was a while ago now. And doctors are scary. And if I start talking I’ll say EVERYTHING and who is ever ready to talk about every single shitty little fucked up thing that happened in their life.

I’m good at making a joke about it. Like, ‘oh yeah. Haha. I was anorexic for years but it’s funny because ...’ only it’s not really funny.

I don’t know how to go about fixing it all. It feels like the most I can do is get permission to feel like I do. Most of the time I think I do handle it all. I talk to J about how I feel, and I take 10 minutes out when I need it to just do nothing. So what the hell can they do?

But something needs to be done. I need the help.



  1. I don't think we can fix it all. We can just take one thing at a time and do our best. It's tough. I don't have any real advice other than to continue doing what you're doing and be open with others about how you are feeling and your needs.

  2. I hope you can get the help you need and feel comfortable with talking instead of scared or uneasy. I think that sometimes though all we can do is handle it the best way we can in that moment!

    Coming from SOCS

  3. I've learned - with therapy, meds, and 54 years of living - that
    1. talking helps, with the right person;
    2. feelings are never wrong;
    3. the past is over, the present is brief, and the future is a crap shoot;
    4. what doesn't kill us can be used to grow and learn;
    5. What works for me, works for me; You have to find what brings You peace.

    Life is a challenge. Surviving can be a great joy.

  4. Best thing I've learned from therapy:

    It's not about "the thing." It's about the skills you develop to cope with "the thing."